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Survey Finds the Cities and States Having the Most Sex Four Loko

Four Loko, the preferred cause of emergency room visits by suburban teens and college students circa 2010, has put together some data that they believe shows which American cities and states are the most sex-crazed. Their “Hookup Hotspots” survey collected Google search data on sex-relevant search terms, such as “bars with hottest girls/guys” and “How to get more matches on Tinder” and ranked the cities and states based on who searched for them the most. Somehow, “I drank three Four Lokos on Saturday and don’t remember what happened and today my pee burns should I get tested” did not make the list.

Rhode Island shocked the world and took first. Here’s the full list of rankings in case you don’t feel like trying to sort through it on a map.

1. Rhode Island
2. Maine
3. Michigan
4. New Hampshire
5. Massachusetts
6. Ohio
7. Pennsylvania
8. Vermont
9. Washington
10. Wisconsin
11. Colorado
12. Florida
13. Nevada
14. Missouri
15. Montana
16. Minnesota
17. Arizona
18. Oregon
19. New York
20. Iowa
21. Nebraska
22. Delaware
23. Connecticut
24. Illinois
25. Georgia
26. North Carolina
27. New Jersey
28. Indiana
29. Tennessee
30. Kansas
31. Wyoming
32. Idaho
33. Virginia
34. North Dakota
35. Kentucky
36. Alabama
37. New Mexico
38. South Carolina
39. Texas
40. Hawaii
41. Utah
42. Maryland
43. South Dakota
44. California
45. Arkansas
46. Oklahoma
47. West Virginia
48. Alaska
49. Louisiana
50. Mississippi

Four Loko also determined which cities’ Google searches were most in the gutter and came back with far less surprising results. Denver is (apparently) the city with the most active sex life in America, with cities like Dallas, Houston, Seattle, Los Angeles, and San Francisco also making the list.

Is this survey scientific? No, of course not. In fact, using the term “where to buy condoms” as a metric is probably super counterproductive. No one who doesn’t know where to buy condoms (the gas station, Walgreens, CVS, the grocery store, ninety other places) is actively “hooking up.” They’re 13 years old.

If Four Loko wanted to find out what cities and states teenagers were hooking up in the most they should have included the search term, “Where to buy Four Loko underage for my house party while my parents are out of town.”

Watch: Millennials Are Drinking So Much Whiskey, Sales Rose 7 Percent

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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