Four Loko, the preferred cause of emergency room visits by suburban teens and college students circa 2010, has put together some data that they believe shows which American cities and states are the most sex-crazed. Their “Hookup Hotspots” survey collected Google search data on sex-relevant search terms, such as “bars with hottest girls/guys” and “How to get more matches on Tinder” and ranked the cities and states based on who searched for them the most. Somehow, “I drank three Four Lokos on Saturday and don’t remember what happened and today my pee burns should I get tested” did not make the list.
Rhode Island shocked the world and took first. Here’s the full list of rankings in case you don’t feel like trying to sort through it on a map.
1. Rhode Island
4. New Hampshire
19. New York
26. North Carolina
27. New Jersey
34. North Dakota
37. New Mexico
38. South Carolina
43. South Dakota
47. West Virginia
Four Loko also determined which cities’ Google searches were most in the gutter and came back with far less surprising results. Denver is (apparently) the city with the most active sex life in America, with cities like Dallas, Houston, Seattle, Los Angeles, and San Francisco also making the list.
Is this survey scientific? No, of course not. In fact, using the term “where to buy condoms” as a metric is probably super counterproductive. No one who doesn’t know where to buy condoms (the gas station, Walgreens, CVS, the grocery store, ninety other places) is actively “hooking up.” They’re 13 years old.
If Four Loko wanted to find out what cities and states teenagers were hooking up in the most they should have included the search term, “Where to buy Four Loko underage for my house party while my parents are out of town.”