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Vaccines and Autism

Breaking News: Vaccines don’t give your children mental disabilities. It turns out that the insane mom posting memes that claim the Measles vaccine makes your children incapable of learning math, or whatever, onto your Facebook timeline is not a doctor or a scientist. Just an insane mom living the American dream of being so safe and comfortable that you have to invent dangers to make your humdrum life in the United States interesting.

The actual pediatric doctors and scientists have a slightly different view than Karen, who is not a doctor and who needs a hobby. They think vaccines are good because they prevent disease and do not ever in any way give children an Autism spectrum disorder. Instead they mostly just think that vaccines are good because they strengthen the immune system. They base this opinion entirely on facts. And yet another new, huge, comprehensive study has proven that vaccines don’t make your kids mentally disabled. Because apparently this is something that keeps needing to be proven.

This latest vaccine safety study is out of Denmark, because for some reason the Danish have long been leading researchers on the (non-existent) links between vaccines and Autism, was about MMR vaccinations specifically. Spoiler, there isn’t any version of the MMR vaccine that causes Autism. In fact, there has never been any incidence of Autism caused by the MMR vaccine, the rubella vaccine, or any childhood vaccines. (No vaccines of any kind have ever been shown to be a cause of Autism, actually.) No diagnosis of Autism has ever found that vaccines were the cause.

Large numbers of unvaccinated children and lower vaccination rates for measles-mumps-rubella does, however, create a high risk for measles outbreaks though. That’s what healthcare professionals call a public health problem. The measles virus infecting dozens of innocent children, that is.

“The new study, if we needed it, puts to rest once again that there is no association between measles vacccine and autism,” said Dr. William Schaffner of Vanderbilt University Medical Center.

(The doctor’s addendum at the beginning at his statement is hilarious, by the way. Love the shade he’s throwing.)

The population study, which was published in Annals of Internal Medicine, also found that the MMR vaccine doesn’t even trigger Autism in children who have a higher risk of Autism. Because vaccines don’t cause Autism.

So remember, the next time you see someone insulting Autistic children and your intelligence by claiming that a rubella vaccination increases the risk factors of children being born Autistic, just hit them over the head with some science from the CDC, this study, or whatever institute of medicine you feel like quoting.

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Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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