Alan Sawyer
As a writer for a website that literally covers everything from humor to crime, to animals, there is no way of preparing myself for what I will see that day. I’ve had my fair share of stories involving people having sex with animals, humans eating their friend’s foot for fun, and women spreading vagina blood on their face to show that it’s an “empowerment.”
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Yes, it’s crazy.
So much so that it’s very hard to shock myself after seeing a quirky story online. But this one, this one absolutely broke me. I was crying and gagging at the same time because I didn’t want to believe it was true. But, unfortunately, it is. So, here it goes. If I suffer, you suffer.
Turns out, a while back, a woman decided that she was so sick of regular blood sausage that she decided to do the unthinkable and switch it up by using HER OWN BLOOD.
Yes, this woman turned into Edward Cullen. Her reason behind doing it, and trying to convince others why it wasn’t as gross at it seems, was because her blood basically has the same nutrients, vitamins, iron and minerals, as blood from a pig that usually goes into blood sausage. But, the difference in using the pig blood was that that blood only harm her, so she wanted to try out what would happen if it was her blood.
She said she basically wanted to see how it felt, but at the same time wanted to see how other people reacted. So for attention, basically. She did it for attention. Which is dumb, stupid, gross, and just a big no-no, lady. Still, there she was ordering all the medical stuff she needed, such as scalpels, cast saw, and surgical gowns.
She wanted to make sure she had the right kind of needles in batches of 100 and order six boxes. In the category “transfusion supplies” she found blood bags for “donation purposes” after she paid for contents of her virtual cart. The next day, describing it as a kid on Christmas morning, there she was unpacking six hundred needles and blood bags, making her room look like a freaking operating room.
She used youtube videos and her guy friends on tinder, who claimed to be doctors, and punctured the skin at her inner elbow eiht a needle, and connect into a blood bag, and voila. She filled the bag up with half a liter of blood, the same amount you donate at any blood bank, which left her feeling weak and her arm slightly purple. She stated, “Was my tourniquet too tight or did I take too much blood? I wasn’t sure, but soon it was time to take the needle out of the vein. My lack of experience resulted in a spurt of blood onto my carpet. A small price to pay for a good-sized bag of blood.”
She then called a friend over who would help her cook because apparently, she knew everything there was about blood sausage. both of then folded lentils, herbs, soy sauce, and tomato puree into a Surinamese style filling and poured the entire bag of blood mixed into it. They then shoved the entire bag of sausage into the microwave oven combo.
While the blood sausage I made with my own blood, sweat, and tears cooked in the oven, Fayette and I cleaned up the kitchen. By now, it looked like a slaughterhouse. The sausage was almost done, but what kind of a feast would this be without guests? Surprisingly, plenty of people were open to tasting my bloody creation. Several co-workers, friends, and my roommate.”
So yes, not only did this woman make sausage out of her own blood, but EVERYONE BASICALLY WANTED TO TRY IT. Cool, cool, cool. Just peachy, some human blood sausage for everyone then. Well, apparently there wasn’t’ enough sausage so it was only a dinner for two and she invited a friend over. But apparently, the sausages were “”beautiful” and she splashed a little it of remaining blood on each plate to add a little touch to it.
I know what you’re thinking. As far as the taste, well she said it was good and the level of spiciness was “perfect.” Her only complaint was that she put too much soy sauce, which was a bit salty, but not too bad. Still…nope, nope, nope. This just seems so unsanitary and gross, and just a big bad idea overall. Some people are just searching for attention too much. Just stop, people. Please.
