5th Grader Saves Teacher Source: WNEM
Source: WNEM

In Bay City, Michigan, a fifth-grader Dylan Paul of All Saints Elementary School thwarted a homicidal muffin and saved his computer teacher’s life by thinking quickly and administering the Heimlich maneuver when he saw that said teacher, Karen Renko, was choking on her breakfast cake.

According to WNEM, Paul was in the computer lab with his class when Renko began to choke on her muffin. He noticed the teacher giving the universal choking sign and, through an enormous feat of strength, tore himself away from his screen long enough to administer the Heimlich maneuver and dislodge the muffin from the teacher’s throat.

A seemingly nice kid, the sort who’d take a bullet for a friend… in Fortnite, it probably didn’t even cross Paul’s mind to start negotiating for a better grade and all sorts of other stuff before agreeing to save his teacher’s life. But he should’ve.

“Listen up, teach. Way I see it, you got two options right now. Either your loved ones get the tragic call that you were naturally selected by a baked good or you guarantee me an A+ so can I spend the rest of the semester watching YouTube videos, playing Battle Royales, and Googling the word boobs. Oh, and when I turn, let’s say, 16, you gotta start buying me booze. Anything I want. As much as I want. And if you try to trick me by handing me a case of O’Doul’s I will hit you with the car I’ll have by then and put you in the ground just like this Muffin tried to. You get me? Cool.”

But Paul just decided to be a good kid about it. Fine. It’s your call, pal. The school’s principal was certainly proud of the 5th grade student, not only for his heroic, life-saving, quick thinking but also probably low key for saving her from a mountain of paperwork. As the 5th grader saves his computer teacher’s life, let’s hope his help shows why he deserves a ton of free passes. There shouldn’t be any issues being the real-life guy who saves choking teachers.


Good work kid.

Editor’s note: This article was originally published on May 8, 2019.

Watch: Public Schools Will Require Mental Health Classes Starting in Sixth Grade

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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