Bear California Highway Patrol Facebook

This bear is lucky it isn’t a black soldier trying to stop an active shooter with a gun it legally owns, otherwise, things might’ve turned out real different for the bear. (This is a mildly unfair joke. It wasn’t the California Highway Patrol’s Donner Pass division that killed a black soldier attempting to help stop an active shooter with a gun he legally owned. They didn’t kill a literal “good guy with a gun.” But still. Felt relevant.)

So yeah, a bear broke into a CHP headquarters looking for food. The bears are getting ready to hibernate and are spending up to 20 hours a day looking for anything they can find to stuff their faces with before gloriously going to sleep for a couple of months. They are truly the animal kingdom’s most magical creatures. The bear’s exploits were caught on security camera. the Donner Pass division shared the video on their Facebook page.

Not sure what this bear is doing. There are several perfectly good soda machines full of sugar water for him to raid. You want to get good and fat, bear? Chug soda. It’s an incredibly underrated way to inflate yourself into a fat, sleepy lump. And seeing as this is Donner Pass eating a human or two is a little less frowned on than in other parts of the country, so knock yourselves out, hungry bears.

Turns out the bear came back. Maybe he’d warmed to the idea of drinking forty Mr. Pibbs.

But for real, this is all fun and games until this bear dives through a squad car window going after some cop’s In-N-Out lunch and they have to put roughly a thousand bullets in him. They’re probably not going to post that body cam footage to their Facebook page. “Someone thought Officer Jensen was a salmon. Someone thought wrong.” The people might not enjoy that as much.


Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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