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Dad Toddler Claw Machine TND via Twitter
TND via Twitter

Editors Note: This article was originally published on September 24, 2018.. It was updated on June 26, 2020, after it was found that Anthony Helinski pleaded guilty to lesser charges back in February 2019.

There’s no doubt that if we actually stood behind criminals, we would maybe stand behind this “criminal,” if you can even call him that.

35-year-old Anthony Helinski, who probably should’ve been awarded “Dopest Dad Ever,” from Lawrence, Massachusetts, had been arrested at the Mall at Rockingham Park in Salem, New Hampshire, after helping his toddler steal prizes from one of the mall’s claw game machine.

via Salem Police Department

Previously a middle school teacher at Doherty Middle School in the city of Andover, Helinski turned himself into Salem Police Department with his attorney Christopher Coughlin in September 2018, after finding out there was a warrant for his arrest. I mean, come on, this guy is practically a saint!

Luckily, because he pleaded guilty to lesser charges of criminal trespass, the Massachusetts teacher’s sentence only included a $1,000 fine with the possibility of a half-suspension pending good behavior, 90 days in the House of Corrections with the possibility of complete suspension for two years pending good behavior, $100 restitution, a two-year ban from the Salem mall, and counseling before March 2019.

Within the next six months, Helinski would be required to appear in front of Judge Robert Stephen to assure he completed his counseling and prove that he’s completed 50 hours of community service. He also was allowed his freedom on personal recognizance.

Phew! If it was any worse, I don’t think I could’ve gotten any angrier.According to his Facebook, it looks like he’s back teaching at Doherty Middle School.

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Original Story Below

A man was arrested by New Hampshire police after a video leaked showing him putting his toddler inside a mall’s claw machine game to steal prizes. Anthony Helinski, a 34-year-old teacher from Massachusetts, was arrested for his life hack after police received several tips that someone had figured out the perfect way to beat the carnie trickery of a claw machine.

Helinski can be seen pulling his young daughter out of the KeyMaster game after she hands out several prizes. Another kid is standing next to Helinski and literally celebrating that their “plan” worked. Helinski was arrested and suspended indefinitely from teaching at the Andover public school, Doherty Middle School, while the investigation continues. He was charged with three counts of theft, two counts of criminal trespass and one count of endangering the welfare of a child.

Screw the police, screw the haters, and screw that school. This is a cool dad doing cool dad stuff. He’s teaching his kids a valuable lesson here, and that lesson is that their dad is dope. I don’t want to get all political but maybe if we paid teachers more they wouldn’t have to resort to using their toddlers for theft in order to get their kids presents. Ever think of that, society?

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This man’s only crime is beating the system. It’s like a casino being mad at a genius for being able to count cards. What? You want him to purposely suck so that you can have more money? Get out of here with that crap. Well, I hope this man beats the system again and gets off with nothing. And then gets his job back. And then all the kids he teaches are like, “Wow Mr. Helinski you’re the coolest.” And then they respect him more and listen intently to him and, ultimately, leave the school smarter than they could’ve hoped for before.

Anthony Helinski did nothing wrong.

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Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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