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Wheelchair Sam's Club Facebook/Chesterfield PD

A white trash Danny Ocean (Danny Ozark?) and his crew knocked off a Sam’s Club in suburban St. Louis over the weekend, with all the skill, charm, and cleverness you’d expect from a crew that robs places selling pizza rolls in bulk.

The crew — dubbed “The Wheelchair Bandits” by the Chesterfield Police Department — robbed the Chesterfield Sam’s Club by distracting the receipt checker at the door with a “wheelchair accident.” All of it was caught on the store’s security footage.

Two men, one pushing the wheelchair and one in it, can be seen walking behind the receipt checker. Suddenly, the wheelchair tips over the man sitting in it falls out. A second later the receipt checker rushes over to help. Then a man pushing a shopping cart with what appears to be some sort of electronics product in it quickly and inconspicuously scurries out the front door.

The Hawking. A classic.

You have to marvel at the shamelessness here. Faking an accident to a fake handicapped person in order to steal what appears to be under $500 worth of merchandise is the makings of trailer park royalty. Do you think they bragged to each other about their successful job over Busch tall boys and Pall Malls?

Police don’t have any leads yet and why would they? After this crew flipped the stolen goods on Craigslist they probably split their couple hundred dollars and separated to lay low. Good luck finding these guys. They’ll be able to live off a couple hundred bucks for months. By the time they pop up again, it’ll have been for just long enough to steal a shelf of BluRays from Walmart by distracting employees with a fake mentally disabled adult in-store meltdown.

These guys are pros.

Watch: Everything You’ve Ever Wanted to Know About Costco’s $1 Hot Dog

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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