Advertisement
Florida Man Kohl's Shoplifting Hernando County Sheriff’s Office

A Florida man remains unemployed after leaving a job interview at Kohl’s and stealing some shoes on his way out. Dominick Breedlove, whose mugshot looks like an autogenerated image picked by a simple algorithm that determined it most fittingly corresponds with his name, was leaving a job interview at Kohl’s when he saw some tennis shoes with no security tag. So, obviously, he tried to steal them. What was he supposed to do? Just leave?

Breedlove actually went out to his car after he noticed the vulnerable shoes so that he could grab a Kohl’s bag from a previous purchase. Then he grabbed two pairs of women’s running shoes, which he intended to be gifts for his mom, he later told police, who of course caught him.

All things considered, this was probably a good day for that central Florida Kohl’s. It’s not like there was a bath salt fueled hobo orgy going down in their linens department, or an alligator that had begun living in a flooded aisle they neglected to do anything about for the last six months. And zero impromptu raves attended exclusively by high school girls and ex-convicts were held on the roof the night before. This is a win.

As for Breedlove, the Danny Ocean of middle tier discount retail stores was booked into Hernando County Detention Center on a charge of retail theft. He was held on a $500 bond.

Meanwhile, at least one Kohl’s manager learned a valuable lesson: everyone who walks into your store looking like that guy is going to try to steal something and even though stereotyping is never okay go ahead and do it here or otherwise, you’re going to be replacing a lot of stolen Superman t-shirts and skateboarding gear.

Watch: 12 Reasons We Love Trader Joe’s

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
View More Articles