Lawrence Kansas Police Tornado American Flag Shotgun Guy/Facebook
American Flag Shotgun Guy/Facebook

Guns are tools owned for self-defense. Tornadoes threaten people’s safety. Ipso facto, it’s totally fine to shoot guns at tornados. I’m no lawyer but that’s airtight. You tell that to a judge and they’ll ask, “I’m sorry why are we here?” and then bang their gavel and dismiss the case.

Apparently, though, some Kansas police officers who don’t believe in our God-given freedoms as Americans would prefer their citizens not pop off rounds at the twisters coming to kill their families and destroy their homes.

In reality, firing your gun at a tornado is an obviously terrible idea. Here’s a quick rundown of what will happen if you decide to walk outside and start pumping rounds into a cyclone.

  • The tornado will hurl a brick or tractor or jagged piece of telephone pole at you.
  • You’ll die.
  • The tornado will pick up your gun.
  • The tornado will start firing your gun at everything it passes.
  • Your county is now under attack by both a tornado and an active shooter.

See? Nothing good. It was once postulated by scientists that a tornado could potentially be dissipated by shooting some sort of explosive weaponry into it, however. (We’re talking cannons, rockets, and missiles here though, not your comparably dinky shotgun.) The idea was that an explosion would disrupt the funnel cloud and make it go away. Unfortunately, those nerds used math to figure out that the coolest meteorological experiment ever wouldn’t really work instead of testing it in the field. There was also the whole problem that the missile might end up causing as much damage as the tornado anyway. (Still should’ve tested it. We could’ve had literal battles with nature. Metal bands would’ve written epic ballads about it. Such a missed opportunity.)


This post was originally published May 7, 2019.


Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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