Aurora Starchild
Where do people come up with these things? Tabloids are notorious for their sensational headlines and, at times, totally fabricated cover stories. And for some reason, The Star thought that the holiday season was the perfect time to single out a bunch of celebrities and call their wives “henpeckers.” But Dax Shepard had the perfect response when he hilariously roasted the tabloid for its sexist cover story.
Videos by Rare
The Star Claims These Celebrity Wives Are “Henpeckers”
On the cover of The Star is the caption “Hollywood’s Most Henpecked Husbands.” These poor souls apparently are Dax Shepard, Ben Affleck, and Keith Urban. Their photos loom large on the cover, while a tiny photo of each of their wives floats below them. They are, respectively, Kristen Bell, Jennifer Lopez, and Nicole Kidman.
Under Shepard is the caption: “Dax: Banned from Hanging with Friends!” Meanwhile, Ben is “Treated Like an Assistant!” and Keith “Must Call Home by 10 PM!”
At the top, Dax added the caption, “Get ‘em, girlies,” along with a heart emoji.
Apparently, celebrity couples are human and struggle with the same kinds of power dynamics as non-famous people. Anyone who’s been in a serious monogamous relationship with kids has, at some point, needed to practice negotiations and a bit of selflessness. But The Star really wants the world to know that Kristen Bell, J-Lo, and Nicole Kidman are nagging, overbearing wives and somehow suffocating their hubbies with their unruly demands.
For the record, a “henpecker” is a woman who “henpecks,” or nags, criticizes, and controls a man. It’s a term exclusively reserved for women. It’s innately quite sexist by its very nature, as there isn’t a word in the dictionary that flips the gender roles around.
Dax Shepard Roasts Tabloid for Its Sexist Bullsh*t Cover Story
“So excited and proud to share that I am apparently starring in a film called ‘Henpecked’ with Ben Affleck and Keith Urban,” Dax Shepard wrote on Instagram. “SO exciting. Have not read the script yet, but apparently it’s already been shot.”
The caption was alongside a screenshot that Dax took from someone else’s social media account. It was a photo of the cover of The Star. He was referring to the magazine as if it was a movie poster, immediately exposing its narrative as fiction. Brilliant.
“It appears I play ‘No Friends Guy,’ who is clearly second banana to Ben’s character ‘Assistant,’” Dax continued. Affleck was photoshopped in the front and center of Dax and Keith, making him The Star’s protagonist in its Henpecker narrative.
“Keith’s character ‘In By 10’ is potentially the hardest role in the film to play. He, like me, probably WANTS to be in by 10, but the fact that he’s been told he can’t stay out later makes him reflexively want to stay out until 11,” Dax cheekily added. “This contradiction is fertile ground for a talented thespian. Can’t wait to see it!!!!”
The Internet Keeps the “Henpecker” Roast Going, All at the Expense of The Star
Hollywood A-listers immediately joined in the fun in Dax’s comments section, starting with John Stamos. The Full House star is married to model and actress Caitlin McHugh, and they share a child together.
“I just dropped out. You must have gotten my role,” wrote Stamos. “You’ll have to grow your hair longer and I hope you’re cool with nudity. Break legs, pal.”
Brat Pack actress Molly Ringwald also had something to say. “I can’t believe that my husband didn’t make the cut! @paniogianopoulos . Clearly I need to step it up,” she wrote, tagging her husband and children’s father, author Panio Gianopoulos.
“This is gonna be huge!!!! Can I play someone’s alternative sister,” wrote actress Mae Whitman.
“I love this movie!” wrote actress Zooey Deschanel.
“I face time sleep with my wife. I’ll make a cameo,” wrote New Kids on the Block singer Donnie Wahlberg.
“After this film blows up, I can’t wait for the all female reboot called ‘HENNPECKERS,’” comedian Pete Lee chimed in.
The Jokes Kept Coming on Dax Shepard’s Instagram
“Sorry for leaking this before the deadline article!!!!” said actress Delaney Rowe.
“Would wait in line on premier night for this,” wrote musician Lily Rose.
“Man. They brought me in four times then Ben ‘expressed interest’ !! Doesn’t he work enough?” added comedian Matt Braunger.
“Can’t wait to hear Keith Urban’s soundtrack! Contains hits such as ‘Peck off!’ ‘Boys just wanna have fun’ and ‘It’s 10:02 whatcha gunna do’,” director Murray Cummings added.
“I knew it… we had such a great night out the other night. I knew it wasn’t real. Damn you’re such a good actor. I was convinced. Surely gotta get a golden globe nod for this one…??!!” joked actor J.J. Feild.
Over 7,000 more comments followed. Public consensus was that The Star’s headline and cover story is garbage. Some pointed out that whoever wrote it must not have ever heard Dax Shepard’s podcast, Armchair Expert.
So What Have These “Henpecker” Wives Been Up To, Anyways?
But if we really want to analyze, these couple’s power dynamics let’s do it.
Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban recently brought their daughters to Australia for a Christmas family reunion. Hmmm…. I can’t really twist anything fishy out of this, but maybe The Star can. Next.
J-Lo has apparently turned Ben “Assistant” Affleck into her backup singer. Just look at them sing a duet at a Christmas party the other day.
But wait — there’s more.
Dax “Banned from Friends” Shepard has apparently been locked away at home, forced to cohabitate with his mad scientist Christmas tree architect wife while she creates terrifying trees out of limbs from Dr. Seuss stories. Not only did the tree “scare the sh*t” out of him, but he was left with no beer to numb his emotions with. Now that’s some serious henpecking.
