Body Reported Near Park, Police Investigate, It’s a Sex Doll

“Sex doll in a garbage bag” would be a great name or a metal band, or at least a metal album. A metal break up song? Instead, it’s the subject of an extreme case of mistaken identity.

Someone reported seeing a dead body near Richardson Forest Preserve near Colerain Township, Ohio but clearly they didn’t get out of their car to inspect more closely. That’s fair. If you see what you think is a dead body hanging out of a garbage bag it’s totally understandable that you might not want to hop out and see a someone’s chopped up, decomposing body covered in flies, dirt, and ants. Again, that’s fair.

Turns out, however, that there was no decomposing hooker half-assedly dumped in the forest. It was just an abandoned, life-sized sex doll stuffed into a trash bag. Typical litter.

Police eventually arrived at the scene after county workers initially spotted the doll. They described it as a “recreational mannequin” which is what I too will call sex dolls from now on, even though it’s not entirely accurate since any mannequin can be recreational if you try hard enough.

There has been no word on how the police plan to dispose of the Bang Barbie but my advice would be, “Burn it. Twice.”

This story was originally published September 28, 2018.

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