Matt McBride
Who doesn’t love Pat Sajak?
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For 42 years, Pat Sajak has been the host of the gameshow Wheel of Fortune,” spinning the giant wheel for contestants and asking the lovely Vanna White to turn letters on a backlit, analogue board. As we watch America implode into the corruption-addled dust of a once-great nation, we will look back from our desert tent cities and know Pat and Vanna were the height of American civilization
But, like America, Pat Sajak’s tenure in history is coming to an end. Unlike America, Pat’s departure will be done gracefully and with far fewer proxy wars and poop on the sidewalks of our cities.
In June, the beloved Sajak announced he is retiring from the spot he has held continuously since 1981. Starting in 2024, America’s beloved Pat Sajak will be replaced on Wheel of Fortune by Ryan Seacreast, who I guess is okay.
But Pat’s not just cool because he’s been a steady, calm presence in American culture for four decades. Pat’s cool because during those four decades nobody ever accused him of doing anything inappropriate. Nobody ever said Pat was mistreating his staff members, or spiking people’s drinks, or pulling down his pants, or that he has a creepy button under his desk to lock female staffers in his office. Because Pat Sajak is cool.
Pat Sajak has a sweet place in a gated community in my Maryland hometown. Back in college, me and my buddies had a special spot in the woods next to Pat’s community, where on the weekends we would sit high up on a cliff overlooking the Severn River. Maybe it’s because our souls felt so safe being nearer to Pat Sajak. I like to imagine Pat grinning and chuckling heartily as he watched us in the early morning light, stumbling uncoordinated across his lawn while in the process of undoubtably stealing all the newspapers on his street for some reason we still don’t know why. Because Pat’s just that amazing.
We will miss you, Pat Sajak.
Ryan Seacrest is way too overexposed and is a terrible replacement choice for Pat Sajak.