Remember back when you got in trouble as a kid, and you were trying to find an excuse as to why you were in trouble to your parents. Your explanations were probably long-winded and all over the place if you weren’t used to it.
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Barack Obama, as a grown President, found himself in a very similar situation last week when he was forced to get up in front of the entire world and finally admit that Obamacare is an unworkable train wreck piece of legislation. You can tell it wasn’t very easy for him to say, as we all know he doesn’t apologize well.
Well, to Americans.
That’s why when he was explaining himself he took over 7,300 words to do it. Honestly, if I weren’t so upset that he fought so hard and caused so much trouble just to pass a bill that was dead on arrival, I’d be impressed. Thing is, that much talk just to say so little can be confusing, so I’ve broken down his speech to the real core points he meant to get across just for you.
Watch the whole thing here:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CN-aA5ynhHc&w=420&h=315]
Some thoughts:
- He realizes you’re mad at him and he’s kind of sorry. Not like, ‘sorry I did this and I’m going to stop doing it to you’ sorry, but sorry nonetheless
2. Out of the 1.5 million people who visited the Obamacare website, around 100,00 were able to sign up. More people signed the petition to build the Death Star but we’ll just ignore that sad fact and call this a win for some reason.
3. He realizes many of you have lost your insurance or watched your premiums go up since Obamacare started. He’s going to change up the law so that you can keep the plan you’ve already lost. You’re welcome.
4. If you can’t sign up for Obamacare, he encourages you to go look at the private marketplace from where you’ve probably already been dropped or had your premiums hiked up on you. He doesn’t think it’s a place you should go back to, because it doesn’t work, but he encourages you to check it out over his site that doesn’t work either.
5. Building a website is hard.
6. He admits he Romo’d this whole Obamacare rollout.
7. He didn’t know that the website was having so many problems, just like he didn’t know what was going on in the NSA, the IRS, or pretty much anything happening inside his administration at any time.
8. When he made that promise about keeping your health plan, he assumed you had healthcare through your employer and didn’t really now that you were paying for it yourself despite reports.
9. He wanted to stabilize the insurance market for you by, I guess, destabilizing it. See, you only thought you were covered, but you really weren’t because corporations are bad.
10. Obama is not Major Garrett’s biggest fan.
11. Why yes, Obama would absolutely love to talk about Iran for as long as he possibly can.
12. It’s Rogers birthday.
13. Dammit Roger.
14. The Obamacare website is doing a lot of stuff.
15. He wants you to know that the government is doing some things very well, like information technology procurement — yeah, we know.
16. No, he really doesn’t think these problems will be fixed by the end of the month.
17. He hopes you’re still buying the whole glitches thing.
18. He really likes using football analogies.
19. He doesn’t want anyone to blame any of this on the Democrats in office who fought tooth and nail to get the ACA passed, and voted for it, and defended it, and avoided town halls when people were angry about it.
20. Does he think it’s going to affect his ability to get anything else done? Blah blah blah blah, yes.
21. He thinks the press are a bunch of bullies. He thought they were bros, but apparently he was mistaken. Mic drop.
So there you have it folks. I just saved you all agonizing minutes of sifting through political double speak and arbitrary nonsense. You’re welcome.
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