Earlier this year, I wrote a column for Rare titled, “Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean it needs to be banned.”
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This struck me as common sense—a self-evident characteristic of a free society. But bans and harsh regulations on everything from beer to helping the homeless, from gardening to taxi alternatives like Uber and Lyft, suggest that many people have other ideas.
It doesn’t matter to some people that these activities—brewing beer at a small brewery, feeding the homeless, planting a garden, or hiring a non-yellow car to drive you somewhere—don’t hurt anyone. It doesn’t matter that there’s no way these actions could be construed as criminal behavior.
All that matters is that someone doesn’t like this stuff, and they want it banned.
This week, I read a story which inspired this follow-up article based on an equally common sense sentence:
Just because you like something doesn’t mean it needs to be mandated.
Here’s the story: The City of Couer d’Alene, Idaho, is threatening an elderly couple with jail time or fines of up to $1,000 per day. Why? Well, the couple, named Donald and Evelyn Knapp, are both ordained ministers. They own and operate a small wedding chapel called The Hitching Post, where they marry couples in a Christian ceremony that includes a short message and a gift of a CD with several sermons about marriage on it.
The Knapps aren’t willing to marry gay couples, because it goes against their religious convictions. But gay marriage is now legal in Idaho, and Coeur d’Alene has a law which bans discrimination based on sexual orientation in places of public accommodation, a category which the city says includes for-profit wedding chapels.
And all that adds up to the Knapps facing jail time and/or heavy fines if they refuse to open their chapel to gay couples who want to be married there. The city’s law would also apply to florists, bakers, and other businesses that might want to refuse to provide goods or services for a same-sex wedding ceremony.
Some might see this story as an illustration of why gay marriage should stay illegal. I disagree.
Because the crux of the matter is not whether gay couples can marry in Idaho, but rather whether they can use the force of law to require other people to participate in their marriage.
A little-known fact is that it wasn’t until the 16th century in Europe that the government had any involvement in the business of marriage. Marriages could be declared by the couple themselves, though after 1215 “licit” marriages had to happen in church.
Marriage licenses didn’t show up in America until after the Civil War. They were introduced as a racist measure against interracial marriages, and the government soon found them to be pretty handy in controlling lots of aspects of our lives—from who could be married to how death benefits are distributed.
I mention this brief history for this reason: What’s happening to the Knapps is wrong, but it’s not because of legalized same-sex marriage. Get the government out of marriage entirely and church-sanctioned and non-sanctioned marriages can peacefully coexist, much as they did before marriage licenses and regulations made the government an unwelcome third wheel.
The problem in Idaho is not that gay marriage is legal. The problem is that participation is mandated. If the Knapps’ Hitching Post (or any other business, church, or other person or organization in Idaho) doesn’t want to facilitate a same-sex wedding, they should have the right to refuse.
And if any business, church, or other person or organization in Idaho wants to only facilitate gay weddings, that’s their right too!
In my earlier article, I wrote that there’s already a really simple solution for those who don’t feel comfortable using services like Lyft and Uber: Don’t use them. Likewise, there’s a really simple solution for people who don’t like vegetable gardens: Don’t grow one.
There’s a simple solution here, too. If you want to marry a person of the same sex, do it. If you want to celebrate a gay wedding, do it. If you want to open a business or church catering to gay couples as they get married, do that too. But don’t force people who don’t want to do any of those things to get involved. (Heck, someone who’s only marrying you to stay out of jail probably wouldn’t be a great officiant anyway.)
Just like beer, charity, gardens, and Uber, gay marriage shouldn’t be banned just because some people don’t like it. But it also shouldn’t be mandated just because some other people do.
In short, you do what you like; I’ll do what I like; and neither of us will have the other one arrested.