Lyndon B. Johnson’s Strange Obsession With His Private Parts

LBJ was one of the most interesting politicians in American history. Whether you loved him or hated him, all of us can agree on one thing- he was a weird guy. So it’s pretty unsurprising that in recent years biographers and historians alike have concluded that Johnson had an obsession with his private parts while in the oval office. Let’s dive in. 

One of the first accounts of Johnson’s fixation on his genitals was from his time as a student at Texas State University. Johnson, who referred to his member as “jumbo,” would often get out of the dormitory showers, walk around naked, and pronounce to peers, “I’ve gotta take ol’ Jumbo here and give him some exercise. I wonder who I’ll f*** tonight?” But that’s normal behavior for a testosterone-fueled college male; what makes Johnson unique is that his penchant towards flashing the world never stopped.

As a member of Congress, LBJ often used the bathroom during recess, waiting for his political opponents to stand next to him at the urinal to intimidate them. While standing at the urinal, he would finish urinating, and swing around to continue his conversation, with his genitals still hanging free for his intended audience to admire. Once, he even pointed it out to a lawmaker standing next to him and asked, “You ever seen anything this big?” In some pseudo-alpha-male ritual, he would usually bring up a piece of legislation he had a strong opinion about on the day’s docket. 

Johnson’s habits only accelerated once he became President. In office, he would invite his male aides to skinny dip in the White House pool, only to throw insults at what they were packing compared to him. As bad as that sounds, it doesn’t hold a candle to what he did to his secret service agents. One story has it: Johnson was peeing next to one of his secret service agents on the side of the road when suddenly a breeze whistled by, causing his stream to be directed at the service agent’s leg. When the agent informed him what was happening, LBJ didn’t redirect his stream. Instead, he smiled and said, “I know I am. That’s my prerogative.” This is crazy when you consider that his predecessor was assassinated- you would think he would have acted differently towards the people who protected his life. 

But the worst Johnson story comes to us in the late ‘60s, when public opinion concerning our participation in the Vietnam War was overwhelmingly negative. Johnson was getting grilled by journalists left and right. Everybody wanted to know one question- why do we still have troops in Vietnam? Once, when Johnson was speaking to a group of reporters off the record, someone asked just such a question. He then asked all the women in the room to leave the room. Johnson, feeling frustrated, pulled his penis out of his pants and said, “This is why.” The reporters were undoubtedly shocked, but Johnson seems to have felt that was the best way to make his point. Nobody loved their Johnson more than Lyndon B. Johnson.

Johnson thought his reproductive organs were so big he ordered himself custom-tailored pants. Here’s audio of him talking to his tailor. Johnson was an all-out weirdo, so much so that he used to leave Jackie Kennedy drunk voicemails. Was Johnson weirder than Biden? Let me know in the comments section!