7 late-nite jokes about Hernandez & the NFL’s crime problem

A lot of today’s professional athletes are finding their mugs on more than the front of a Wheaties cereal box. So many jocks are getting picked up by the po-po that there could be a whole trading-card series of mug shots. Their offenses run the gamut of felonies: assault and battery, drugs, murder. Here are seven swipes at football players who should be flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct:

• “A new report from sociologists has discovered the number one cause of prison overcrowding – apparently it’s the NFL.” – Jay Leno

• “Cleveland Browns rookie Ausar Walcott was arrested for attempted murder. Boston Patriots tight-end Aaron Hernandez was arrested for murder, with possible links to another double murder. In fact, now the NFL is begging the press to start talking about concussions again.” – Jay Leno

• “Getting selected for a professional football team is a good excuse to stop participating in your gang.” – Warren Holstein

• “Yesterday, Aaron Hernandez was denied bail even though his lawyer said Hernandez was not a risk to flee. Not a risk to flee? He’s a football player. He makes his living running away from people who are chasing him. That is the definition of fleeing.” – Jay Leno

• “The statistics are not good: Twenty-seven NFL players have been arrested just since the last Super Bowl. In fact, this could be the first year we see a prison football team in the playoffs. You could have OJ coaching.” – Jay Leno

• “Twenty-seven NFL players arrested since the Super Bowl. We’re one Tom Brady felony away from the greatest prison Pro Bowl team ever.” – Erik Bransteen

• “Aaron Hernandez arrested and dropped by the New England Patriots. Hernandez could serve years in jail – or even worse, get signed by the New York Jets.” – Erik Bransteen

Brett M. Decker is Editor-in-Chief of Rare. Follow him on Twitter @BrettMDecker