30 Justin Bieber quotes that basically roast himself

Former child pop star Justin Bieber will be roasted Comedy Central this weekend, but his colorful past pretty much roasts himself.

Here are 30 choice quotes that will leave you with more questions than answers about what makes Justin Bieber tick.

1. “I’m a really claustrophobic person to begin with. I hate elevators, especially crammed elevators. I get really scared. So I think that it’s very definitely scary when girls are all around me and I can’t go anywhere. At the same time, I guess I got to get used to it, you know what I mean?”

2. “I have crushes, but they’re all too old. Like Beyonce -she has a husband, I might get shot. I went up to give Beyonce a hug at the Grammy’s and Jay-Z said, watch out buddy! He was kidding, but you know…”

3. “On my Youtube page there are so many haters. They just say crazy stuff. Like, I’m not mad. I’m 16 years old and I don’t have chest hair and I’m not angry about it at the moment. That will come. People are like, “Look at him he puts helium in his voice before he sings.” You just have to laugh at yourself. It’s funny.”

4. “I think the obsession with my hair is funny. People copy my hair. At meet and greets, people touch my hair. I don’t have any product in it.”

5. “My first date has been sort of mythologized as ‘Bieber’s Dating Disaster.’ I took her to King’s a buffet restaurant. Yes, I wore a white shirt. Yes, I got spaghetti. No, this was not the brightest idea. But it wasn’t a big trauma, though.”

6. “It was like I opened my eyes one day and noticed that the world was full of beautiful girls. And I’ve had a hard time hard time thinking about anything else since then.”

7. “I don’t want to start singing about things like sex, drugs and swearing. I’m into love, and maybe I’ll get more into making love when I’m older. But I want to be someone who is respected by everybody.”

8. “I feel like I carry myself in a more manly way. I don’t carry myself as a boy.”

9. “I have dumped a girl over the phone – it’s terrible isn’t it? We got into an argument during a phone call so I basically said, I don’t wanna be with you any more,’ and she cried… I saw her after that and it was a bit awkward, but we’re not enemies now, so that’s cool…But I wouldn’t recommend it, it’s very mean!”

10. “I try to read all of my fan mail. A lot of them send me candy, which I’m not allowed to eat ’cause my mom says it might be poisonous.”

11. “I’m just a regular 16-year-old kid. I make good grilled cheese and I like girls.”

12. “There’s gonna be times when people tell you that you can’t live your dreams, this is what I tell them: Never say never.”

13. “If me and my girlfriend were fighting and it got to the point where she started crying, I would just shut up and hold her.”

14. “Anne (Frank) was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a Belieber.”

15. “I’ve got my eye on a few things to spend my money on. I’ve got my own bank card but I am really good with money. I don’t spend too much at all.”

16. “Haters are just confused admirers.”

17. “Haters call me ‘gay,’ but their girlfriends want me more than them.”

18. “My fans are like my glasses. Without them I’d be blurry.”

19. “A girl could be sitting on her computer, trying to get noticed by me, and not knowing she’s the future Mrs. Justin Bieber.”

20. “As hard as I’ve tried, I don’t know how not to be adorable.”

21. “If I can do just one-tenth of the good that Michael Jackson did for others, I can really make a difference in this world.”

22. “I’m really an animal guy. I express myself in different ways as an animal.”

23. “The day I was born, March 1, 1994, Celine Dion was solid at #1 with ‘The Power of Love.’ Not a bad start to your life.”

24. “Don’t say I’m not talented. If you haven’t noticed, I wasn’t made. I was found.”

25. “I want my world to be fun. No parents, no rules, no nothing. Like, no one can stop me. No one can stop me.”

26. “It’s kind of hard to balance school and work sometimes. But sometimes, like, if I’m going to the White House and I’m in there doing a tour and stuff, that’s like school.”

27. “Singers aren’t supposed to have dairy before a show, but we all know I’m a rule breaker.”

28. “Not trying to be arrogant, but if I walked down the street and a girl saw me, she might take a look back because maybe I’m good-looking, right?”

29. “It’s not me trying to act or pose in a certain way. It’s a lifestyle – like a suaveness or a swag, per se.”

30. “I’m crazy, I’m nuts. Just the way my brain works. I’m not normal. I think differently.”