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Lily Collins is ready to talk about her relationship with father Phil Collins.

In her new book of essays, Collins openly talks about her tumultuous relationship with her father and reveals other painful memories from her life.

“Because my dad was often gone, I never wanted to do anything that would make him stay away even longer,” she wrote. “I became extra careful about what I said and how I said it, afraid he’d think I was angry or didn’t love him. And the truth is, I was angry. I missed him and wanted him there.”


When she was just five years old, her parents divorced and her father “moved from [their] home in England to Switzerland, where he stayed for more than twenty years.”

She confessed that although she always felt loved by her father, the distance and estrangement always bothered her.

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“I’ve realized that many of my deepest insecurities stem from these issues with my dad,” Collins wrote. “It’s taken me over a decade to resolve some of them (others I’m still resolving) and to finally build up the courage to speak my mind to him.”

She wrote that she hopes writing about her relationship with her father will help to motivate other young women.

“Even if they’re listening, sometimes our dads still don’t truly hear what we’re saying,” she wrote. “So feel free to read this letter to your dad or use it as a guide to write your own … All you can do is stay true and tell him how you feel.”

In the end, Collins wrote that she hopes her father can one day meet the woman she has become.

“We all make choices and, although I don’t excuse some of yours, at the end of the day we can’t rewrite the past,” she wrote, “I’m learning how to accept your actions and vocalize how they made me feel… I now understand that my frustrations surrounding our communication are not about changing you, but accepting you as you are.”

“I forgive you for not always being there when I needed and for not being the dad I expected,” she continued. “I forgive the mistakes you made.”

(H/T PEOPLE)

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