There is many a way to ruin Christmas. A college-aged child could slam nine egg-nogs and pick that day to (aggressively) tell their mom that they don’t believe in God anymore. An uncle could decide that the dinner table is the best place to lay out his thoughts on America as an ethnostate. A grandparent could declare that noted hater of no one, Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, hates homosexuals. You could barf in church from a Christmas Eve hangover. So many options!
Let’s go ahead and add being given a Mac and Cheese flavored candy cane to the list. We should maybe even put it at the top of the list because this is trash. The flavor is obviously a stunt, but the candy cane’s maker Archie McPhee sells it with a straight face on their website along with rotisserie chicken candy canes.
Macaroni and Cheese Candy Canes are a particular favorite of picky eaters. These candy canes taste like your childhood favorite — mac and cheese. It’s like comfort food-flavored comfort food! Macaroni and cheese has become a holiday family tradition in many parts of the country, so why not let our holiday candy reflect that?
No one wants this. No one. I don’t want my candy to taste like mac n cheese any more than I want my cheese to taste like a grape popsicle. If I want cheese I’ll eat cheese. This just strikes me as another case of science doing something without considering whether or not it should. This abomination is the Jurassic Park of Christmas treats.
The candy promotes its cheesy flavoring for cheese lovers everywhere. But that’s not all, Archie McPhee has released more gag-worthy flavors for the holiday season. If you like seafood try out Clamdy Canes. Meat lover? The bacon candy canes are more your style. And above all, the pickle candy canes will never lose traction on social media.
The one upside to the mac and cheese candy cane is to use it for a prank. An older brother could easily trick his younger brother into eating this garbage, causing the latter to gag in disgust while the former squeals with laughter. “Hey Billy, try this lemon flavored candy cane!” That’s all this is good for.
Write it on your wish list and ask Santa this year to bring you some Christmas Candy that tastes like he just pulled it from out of his pants. Let’s just be thankful you’re not getting coal candy canes this year.
Editors Note: This article was originally published on December 12, 2018.