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Mac and Cheese Candy Cane Annie McPhee

There is many a way to ruin Christmas. A college-aged child could slam nine egg-nogs and pick that day to (aggressively) tell their mom that they don’t believe in God anymore. An uncle could decide that the dinner table is the best place to lay out his thoughts on America as an ethnostate. A grandparent could declare that noted hater of no one, Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, hates homosexuals. You could barf in church from a Christmas Eve hangover. So many options!

Let’s go ahead and add being given a Mac and Cheese flavored candy cane to the list. We should maybe even put it at the top of the list because this is trash. The flavor is obviously a stunt, but the candy cane’s maker Archie McPhee sells it with a straight face on their website.

Macaroni and Cheese Candy Canes are a particular favorite of picky eaters. These candy canes taste like your childhood favorite — mac and cheese. It’s like comfort food-flavored comfort food! Macaroni and cheese has become a holiday family tradition in many parts of the country, so why not let our holiday candy reflect that?

No one wants this. No one. I don’t want my candy to taste like cheese any more than I want my cheese to taste like a grape popsicle. If I want cheese I’ll eat cheese. This just strikes me as another case of science doing something without considering whether or not it should. This abomination is the Jurassic Park of Christmas treats.

The one upside to the mac and cheese candy cane is to use it for a prank. An older brother could easily trick his younger brother into eating this garbage, causing the latter to gag in disgust while the former squeals with laughter. “Hey Billy, try this lemon flavored candy cane!” That’s all this is good for.

Watch: 13 Adorable Ugly Christmas Sweaters for Your Dog

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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