Advertisement
2019 Farmer's Almanac

Stock up on Scotch, firewood, and more Scotch — or whatever you use to combat seasonal affective disorder — because The Farmer’s Almanac predicts a long, cold, and snowy winter for 2018-2019 across America. The 200-year-old weather prediction formula foresees a pretty harsh winter for the entire United States, particularly in mid-February, when rain, sleet, and snow are going to be dumped across the country.

Spring won’t be coming for a while, either, according to The Farmer’s Almanac’s winter outlook. The weather forecast predicts lower than normal temperatures are going to persist all the way until mid-March — especially in the northeast — so prepare ahead of time, mental health-wise, so that you’re not walking to lunch on a Tuesday in March, pissed off that it’s still 37 degrees out, and seriously considering lighting everything on fire.

The Farmer’s Almanac laid out the forecast for its seven regions of the United States — the Great Lakes, the Pacific Northwest, the Midwest, New England, the Ohio Valley, the Southeast, and the Southwest — in the infographic below.

Farmer’s Almanac

The winter, in general, is expected to be colder than normal, with parts of every single region of the U.S. hit by snowfall. Above-normal levels of snowfall are predicted for the Great Lakes, Midwest, New England, and Pacific Northwest. The almanac is also red-flagging March 20-23 as potential dates for a big East Coast storm just as things are finally transitioning from winter to spring.

One last icy fart from Old Man Winter as he shuffles out the door.

So that’s fun! Another long, brutal winter for most of the country, with above-normal snowfall. Again, may we recommend stocking up on things that keep you warm and happy so that you will not totally succumb to seasonal affective disorder by mid-January. Either that or buy some plane tickets to Florida. Sipping a daiquiri while being stalked by an alligator actually seems preferable to getting blasted in the face with withering sleet a week before baseball season starts.

Watch: Texas Woman Flies Through Tornado in Bathtub, Lands Unharmed

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
View More Articles