Advertisement
Roaring Wildfire Forces Motorists to Drive Off Road to Escape the Flames Instagram: ABC
Instagram: ABC

Is California actually just hell now? It’s mostly filled with the worst people and on fire so… yes? Yes. This video sort of proves that with the fire part, but the “worst people” part of that hypothesis is pretty solidly disproven, since it also shows a good Samaritan directing traffic off the highway and through a gulch while brave motorists somehow remain orderly and respectful throughout the terrifying ordeal all while blinded and choked by acrid smoke.

(California still might sort of be hell though.)

This video taken along Interstate 5 in Sacramento is incredible. All joking about California aside, the people who live in that state should be commended. Their natural disaster situation is bananas. As a Midwestern kid, all I ever really had to worry about was tornados. People who aren’t accustomed to hearing tornado sirens on a weekly basis are usually pretty terrified of twisters but, objectively, they’re not that bad. The odds of your home getting destroyed by a ‘nader, or you getting killed or even injured by one are minuscule. They’re random, short, relatively isolated bursts of natural violence.

Advertisement

And you can hide from tornados pretty easily. Got a basement? A bathtub? A ditch? You’re probably good. Meanwhile, a hurricane smacks down whole sections of the map with wind and water. There is no hiding from a hurricane. But at least you know a hurricane is coming, and where it’s going to hit. And when.

Now consider the natural disasters a Californian deals with. First, you have the earthquake. It cannot be predicted. It just happens and you have to stand there and take it. You have to stand there and take it because an earthquake can’t be escaped. You’re not a bird. You can’t fly. You don’t have a jetpack either. There is literally no way to escape an earthquake unless you own a helicopter and have already started it up.

Wildfires aren’t much better. They also happen at random and change direction about as predictably as a drunk toddler. They’re also unstoppable. You can’t put them out. Not really. They just sort of happen all the time. You would think they would be somewhat preventable but NOPE apparently not.

Advertisement

So now the entire state of California is on fire and the only thing that’s going to put out those fires is when an earthquake finally sinks the state into the ocean. You’re brave bastards, Californians.

Watch: Country Classics Revisited: Ring Of Fire

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
View More Articles

Stories You Might Like