Listen up ladies, gents, and everything in between. Brace yourself, because this is going to be one juicy, bloody, cynical, and GROSS, story. Before we start, I have a question for you. If you were given the opportunity to eat human flesh…and it was totally legal, would you? Well apparently, that’s exactly what 11 people did!
Reddit user IncrediblyShinyShirt shared a very unusual story of a motorcycle crash that put him face to face with a morbid hypothetical. You see, Shiny was in a terrible accident that forced him to think quick on his feet. A car hit his motorcycle which sent him flying into a forest, causing his foot to shatter to a point where he would never walk again. Doctors immediately saw his foot and stated they needed to amputate it. Instead of crying about it, he decided to ask doctors a question: “Can I keep it?”
On Sunday, July 10, 2016, three weeks after the accident, Shiny (who prefers to remain anonymous), invited 10 of his most “open-minded” friends to brunch. They ate puff pastries, chocolate cake, fruit tarts, and gin drank lemonade punches and mimosas. What was unusual about this brunch? The main course was fajita tacos made from Shiney’s severed human limb! WHAT!
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Is this even legal”? Well, the United States doesn’t really have a federal law banning cannibalism. The only state that can actually land you in prison for eating human flesh is Idaho. Laws against buying and selling human meat, murder, and corpse desecration make cannibalism difficult, but technically it’s legal in all other 49 states.
I mean, come on, it’s not every day someone consents to be eaten or is even remotely interested in eating someone else. Safe to say that would raise a lot of ethical questions. Which was not the case for Shiny, because it was not only legal but ethical. He documented the entire process, but I should warn you, the pictures are so so so graphics, that I regret seeing them while at work because I almost threw up everywhere. If you are a fan of gore and unbelievable gross things…click here!
Shiny said he originally wanted to have his foot taxidermied or freeze-dried so he could use it as a house lamp or a doorstep holder. He stated, “It’s not going to be cremated and chucked into a landfill. It’s a part of me, and I want it back.”
And so…that’s exactly what happened. Doctors gave him his foot back, in which he froze. Since it was too expensive to freeze dry ($1,200 to be exact) he decided to cast it in plaster to use as a doorstop, then capture a 3D rendering so he can make key chains. But, then that’s when the idea of eating it came about. When asked about how he prepared the foot to be eaten, he said,
“Before we cast it, I quickly took a knife from my kitchen and cut a chunk off the top of my shin. The skin was already kind of off from the surgery, leaving a big chunk of muscle exposed. I just took the muscle. I put it in a plastic bag and put it in my freezer….After we cast the leg, I took a bunch of pictures, put it in a box of flowers, and cremated it.”
Having the chunk in his hands, he called 10 of his friends and asked them if they were down to eat his human meat…which by a shock, they all say yes. One of his friend’s boyfriends is a professional chef so she decided to ask if he would cook the meat, and of course, what chef wouldn’t say yes. Shiny required the chef, his girlfriend, his ex-girlfriend, four friends he’s known for over 10 years, and one of their daughters. Can you imagine that conversation, though!
The process of cooking the meat was extensive since the chef had to marinate it overnight. He then sautéed it with onions, salt and pepper, peppers, and lime juice. He then served it on a corn tortilla with a tomatillo sauce. He called his masterpiece “Human Shin Fajitas”, and in case you’re curious about it, you can find the recipe here. You Hannibal Lecter’s!
As far as taste? Shiny said the particular cut was “super beefy” and have a very pronounced beefy flavor to it. The muscle was tough and chewy, and despite the fact he was eating himself, he said it not too shabby.
“People think it tastes like pork because in movies we hear it called “long pig.” But that term originated in places like Papua New Guinea, where they eat wild boar. They’re not eating our big, fat, domesticated pigs that have white meat. Boars don’t have white meat. They just don’t. I remember eating a heritage pig and it was some of the reddest, most flavorful meat I’d ever had. It was almost like venison. And I think it’s more akin to that.”
Safe to say the group had a great time, cracking jokes left and right to avoid an awkward situation. Using dark humor Shiny said at one point he said, “Well, today was the day I was inside 10 of my friends at once.” The next day he received a phone call from a friend saying “ “Hey, just so you know, I pooped you out. Sorry.” In a way, a unique bonding experience that he could share with close friends and give him closure after his accident.
During his accident, Shiny said his foot was hanging off and was broken, mangled and dirty. Lucky to be alive, he was found by a young woman who had just graduated from high school and knew CPR. 15 minutes later, an off-duty paramedic showed and called 911. Due to the broken bones and missing bones from the accident, there was no way of salvaging it. So what happened to the rest of the foot? Its ashes are safe and sound in a jar on his girlfriend altar in her living room.
I mean, props to him for finding a coping mechanism for his tragic accident. It really takes courage to overcome that stepping stone, heroic even. But eating your own foot? Then people agreeing to eat your foot?
Nope. Big nope from me. No sir. Good day.
This post was originally published on October 31, 2018.