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Friday morning a heroic Texas woman was unjustly banned from the Walmart on 2700 Central East Fwy. in Wichita Falls simply for doing what any reasonable person would consider “normal Walmart customer stuff.” She was riding around in her local Walmart’s parking lot from 6:30 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. on an electric cart while drinking wine out of a Pringles can. I’ve seen weirder at Walmart.

Is this not America? Do we Americans suddenly not live in the land of the free? Because I can think of no one more liberated than the person who starts drinking and joyriding on an electric shopping cart for people with physical limitations in a Texas Walmart parking lot at sunrise. This is why Trump won, Democrats!*

*Editors Note: This is not why Trump won.

Walmart employees called the Wichita Falls police on the “suspicious person” (suspiciously free, that is) drinking wine from a Pringles can and officers responded to the strange call soon after. They eventually found the woman, who was said to be wearing black pants and a blue jacket, at a nearby restaurant and told her she was now banned from that Walmart (and presumably the Walmart parking lot as well).

From this entire incident, one important question emerges unanswered. Was the woman drinking from a bottle of wine she had stuffed into the Pringles can? Or had she poured wine into the Pringles can and then sipped from it as if it were a very tall cup? This question cannot go unanswered. Personally, I suspect that she had just stuffed a bottle into the Pringles can, but I hope she was drinking straight from the can, spilling on herself as her riding shopping cart bumped into parked cars in the store’s parking lot.

No matter what happened, one thing is certain. The parking lot of a Walmart is a magical place.

Watch: Multiple People Arrested After This Walmart Brawl

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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