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Big Penis Shoplifter

What man can’t relate? You’re walking around some store, mindlessly perusing its wares while your lap hog slumbers quietly inside your pants, then you decide to leave and get stopped by a suspicious store worker who thinks you’ve shoved one of their items down your pants because your bulge is so monstrous that whatever is creating it can’t possibly be part of a human being.

So, then, you calmly explain to the store that you are no thief but, rather, just a humble man with Thor’s hammer Mjölnir attached to your pelvis. It gets annoying after a while, doesn’t it?

Apparently, that’s the case for at least one man whose penis appears to be both a blessing and a curse. 47-year-old British man Steve Whitehurst found himself in that very situation the other day while leaving a Scotts Mens­wear store. Whitehurst was wearing tight jeans that just so happened to show off the fact that his wang could double as a cannon on a Royal Navy frigate. The store’s staff thought, basically, that whatever was in his pants was too big to possibly be a penis, so they stopped Whitehurst and accused him of stealing.

Whitehurst tried to explain that it was all a mixup and that he’s actually just part donkey but the store wasn’t hearing it. A likely excuse, they thought. Confronted with the very real possibility that the Bobbies were going to be called on him for no reason, Captain Thunder Dong took a male security to a back cubicle, pulled down his pants, and proved once and for all that he was being unfairly profiled for being hung like Cthulhu.

The store disputes this account but, really, who do you want to believe? That’s all that actually matters in this world anymore.

Plus you can peep pics of this guy’s bulge here. I believe him.

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Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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