Silke Jasso
Well, this is certainly a wild and unexpected story. Turns out a very amusing crook decided to pull off quite a crime, by literally stealing a giant dildo from a Las Vegas sex shop. Yes, you read that right, a giant dildo. What the unidentified man was going to do with this dildo it’s still unknown, but I mean, maybe he has a thing for sexual art or just really weird sex toys.
Videos by Rare
The masked man was captured on surveillance footage in broad daylight as he went into the Deja Vu Love Boutique in Sin City on July 14th. He then nonchalantly just grabs the massive 3 foot tall, 40-pound dildo standing on the sales floor. Even just picks it up over his right shoulder and then leaves the adult store, cramming the said dildo inside his vehicle and driving off. You know, just a regular day in Las Vegas, nothing to see here.
According to staffer Ryan Carlson, “the pandemic has encouraged even the scummiest of scumbags to steal the strangest products from the innocent businesses.” He noted, “This landmark item in our store is worth nearly $2,000, so if you happen to see a 3-foot penis sitting around, please turn in the 6-foot-tall dick who stole it. We can only hope that this thief finds Jesus and returns the item or the law finds him and throws him in prison where he belongs!”
Apparently one of the store employees, Laura, who declined to give her name to the Huffington Post, the giant dildo is named, the Moby, because of course, it is. It is said to pay homage to Herman Melville’s classic Moby Dick. Pretty genius name if you ask me.
The sculpture is apparently of steel on Amazon, where it is listed at $586 as the “world’s largest retail dildo.” According to the listing, “There may even be a soul out there brave or talented enough to use Moby as a traditional dildo. With this tremendous and truly unique cock, anything is possible! You are limited only by your kinky imagination.”
Yep, that is it, ladies and gentlemen, this is officially the weirdest thing I have seen in 2020. And it is barely July. I don’t know what’s going on in the world anymore, I really don’t.
