Are you a beta in your own swimming pool? Do your kids do cannonballs that ruin your fresh margarita? Do they slap you in the face with a pool noodle and call you fat while you’re trying to lay back and relax? Does the annoying neighbor who does Crossfit make you feel like a Low T commercial before picture when they come over to swim and flaunt their hot bod in front of your wife? Does your wife laugh at Mr. Mid-Life Reinvention’s jokes even though they’re stupid? And are you pretty sure the length and loudness of your wife’s laughter increases in a statistically quantifiable way when this d-bag is shirtless?

There’s not a lot, if anything, you can do about any of that. This is life and chances are you’re just going to have to eat the plate of shit it served you.

At least you can play with this cool motorized pool chair from PoolCandy while all that stuff is happening, though. It looks pretty cool.

Think of all the possibilities with this thing. No more awkwardly paddling yourself over to the side of the pool to get out, or to get another drink. Buy six of these and play bumper boats in your pool. Have races and time trials. Or play water polo. Not the actual game of water polo, but regular polo in water, where you use your motor chairs as steeds. The pool game possibilities are endless. And if you have a beer or six during those games everything gets infinitely more fun.

This bad boy works in pools, lakes, or inlets. Basically any calm body of water. If you don’t buy this for your summer you might as well just stay inside until October. This is the ultimate summer enhancer.

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Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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