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A serial pooper has shut down a community pool in Macomb Township, Michigan because he or she (let’s be real, he) won’t stop dropping deuces in it. To the point where cleaning the pool every time he does it just isn’t feasible. So the pool just shut down.

Seems fair. How many times would someone have to take a crap in your living room before you stopped inviting people over? It can’t be more than twice. Since they haven’t even caught the serial pooper (it’d be smart by interrogating every 15-year-old boy in the area) there aren’t many other options either.

But the pool closing isn’t even the worst consequence of this selfish maniac’s disruptive dumps. Because he’s been pooping in the pool so much, the town has had to hire a second pool attendant for when the pool does re-open, so they can get some extra eyes on the lookout for the yet-to-be-found public pooper who keeps turning the town’s summertime cool-off spot into his giant personal toilet. So, because of the extra salary required to stop someone from shitting in the public pool, the town can no longer afford to put on the summer carnival they were planning.

This person’s poops have literally ruined summer for Macomb Township. The pool is closed, the carnival is canceled. They’re lucky city workers didn’t show up on the morning of July 4th to find all the fireworks soaked through with pee and diarrhea. What else is left? A labor day wall smearing of poo? Maybe the pooper will bide his time until Thanksgiving and take a dump in a cornucopia at city hall.

Here’s hoping the good and innocent people of Macomb Township find this serial pooper before they lose what’s left of their summers. What a monster.

Watch: Police Find Suspect’s Hiding Place After Hearing Him Fart

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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