There isn’t much, if anything, that brings Americans together more effectively than athletic competition or egregiously unhealthy food. We love sports. We love partaking in the sort of caloric intake typically reserved for bears preparing for hibernation. And, obviously, we love combining both into one gluttonous display strength and courage.
So, then, it’s no surprise that this video of some kid (in either high school or college) taking down a Whataburger burger roughly the weight of his head has the internet applauding, not to mention those watching him in the restaurant absolutely losing their minds. This burger is monstrous. You could unleash a pack of ravenous wolves on a dairy farm and not see that much beef get ripped apart.
This is a legitimately impressive feat but at the same time… drunk 19-year-old me could crush that burger any day of the week. You want to really impress me? Show me a 57-year-old man with high cholesterol and heartburn so vicious that eating just one slice of pizza will make it feel like his stomach acid is going to burn a hole through his chest.
This kid has nothing to fear except a taking a big ole dump that his young body will immediately bounce back from anyway. He might not even gain any weight from eating this burger. Meanwhile, Ted Johnson of Toledo, Ohio can’t eat one of those without wondering how many sick days he’ll have to take from his middle-management job afterward, let alone if this burger is the one that finally plugs the last clear millimeter in his coronary artery.
Regardless, this kid deserves credit. Especially because what he completed wasn’t some well-known eating challenge at Whataburger. There is no eating challenge at Whataburger. The kid was just like, “lol hey guys check it out I’m gonna eat 3 pounds of beef now.” Imagine walking onto the field at Yankee Stadium and casually whacking a ball over the fence in dead center in batting practice on your first swing. That’s what this kid did. And he brought together an entire restaurant in doing it. Nice work.
This post was originally published on October 22, 2019.