Aurora Starchild
Is your heart bitter this winter? Are you already thinking about getting blackout drunk at a dive bar this Valentine’s Day? Do you have fantasies about your ex turning into a cockroach and being dropped into the gaping, salivating jaws of a horny toad? If so, the San Antonio Zoo has got your back.
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San Antonio Zoo Will Feed Your Symbolic Ex to an Animal for Valentine’s Day
As part of the 4th annual “Cry Me a Cockroach” fundraising campaign, the San Antonio Zoo will help you heal from your heartbreak. For the low price of $10, they will name a cockroach after your ex and feed it to an animal. The zoo will send you a downloadable digital card showing your support, so you can post about it on social media. And if you want, they will also send your ex a digital card notifying them that they were named after a sacrificial cockroach.
There are other options, too, depending on your budget or emotional pain level. If you’d rather envision your ex as, say, a piece of romaine, you can pay $5 to have a vegetable named after them. The vegetable will also be fed to an animal. Or for $25, you can name a rodent after your ex before it becomes a zoo animal’s tasty meal.
You don’t have to be a Texas resident to make this magic happen. According to the San Antonio Zoo, they received over 7,000 donations from people in all 50 states and 30 countries.
That’s not all. The San Antonio Zoo also has a personalized video upgrade option for $150. But it’s only available to the first 20 people, so act fast! If you’re curious, the zoo has an example to watch here.
Cry Me a Cockroach Proceeds Go Towards Securing Habitats for Wild Animals
Don’t let this Valentine’s Day get you down. By naming a cockroach, vegetable, or rodent after your ex before it gets fed to a zoo animal, you’re making a difference in the world. All proceeds will go towards the San Antonio Zoo, a non-profit zoo that protects local and worldwide wildlife.
“The season of love and loath is back,” said San Antonio Zoo’s CEO in a press release. “Whether it was a sour romance, a breakup with your work, or a collective dislike for a 2022 trend, the Cry Me a Cockroach Fundraiser is here to help you leave that negativity behind!” He added that the animals and veggies are already part of larger animals’ natural diets. “Although small, they really are the unsung heroes of the food chain this Valentine’s season,” he said.
