So this is a parental nightmare. A video of a little boy doing an impression of his mom having loud sex is making its rounds on the internet and, uh, it would appear the kid heard quite a lot. Heard quite a lot and absorbed it all, as kids are known to do.
They won’t listen to their teachers and they’ll space out when you tell them to look both ways before they cross the street but say a curse word in front of them or have a series of loud orgasms after you think they’re asleep and all of the sudden their memories are photographic.
Here’s the video. It’s well worth the watch.
Not sure why the parents thought it was a good idea to film and then post this. Knowing kids’ affinities for the aforementioned selectively perfect memories that is exactly what this woman sounds like when she is having sex. She’s just kind of… putting that out there now. Posting a homemade “Kids Say the Darndest Things” is one thing, posting, “Kid’s Disturbingly Accurate Impression of my Orgasms” is another altogether.
My personal favorite part of this video wasn’t the orgasm impressions though, it was the hilariously smug little boy declaring “Y’all be havin’ it.” He knows. He’s got the internet. He’s got other little boy friends with minds as active and as dirty as his. He knows. He may not understand the mechanics and intricacies of it all, obviously. Not any more than you or I understand how exactly an airplane flies. But he knows there was a takeoff, a flight, and a landing. He heard it.
There should be a fun parent-teacher conference in their future, wherein they learn their son was doing this impression for the class at recess and then have to explain exactly why their kid knows how to so expertly imitate orgasms.
Kids! Life’s most exhausting blessing.
This article was originally published on October 18, 2019.