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Florida Boy Hooters Mask Fox 35 Orlando
Fox 35 Orlando

A Florida boy is in trouble with his school for wearing a face mask to class — but not the right kind of face mask, apparently. Because remember everyone, when trying to stop the spread of a deadly pandemic it’s also of paramount importance that we not be potentially possibly maybe mildly offensive.

11-year-old fifth-grader Ian Golba was reprimanded first by his teacher and then by the principal for the unspeakably offensive crime of wearing a mask branded with the name of Florida‘s second most famous contribution to the United States of America (after Disney World): the famed wing restaurant and sports bar Hooters.

Where do you think you live, faculty and staff of Sunset Park Elementary? It ain’t Beverly Hills or The Hamptons. You’re in an Orange County, I guess. But not the Orange County. If I personally can afford to buy a nice looking house in your community (I checked Zillow, I can) then you don’t get to act like you’re too high and mighty to look at a Hooters face mask.

According to Golba’s father Steve, the family routinely eats at Hooters because they love their wings and like to watch sports at the restaurant. He didn’t find the mask offensive and neither did his son. Ian’s teacher and principal however both vehemently disagreed and made the boy change his mask. They were also both upset that Ian dared ask why the mask was offensive, as if his mask was playing a gif of a topless pillow fight instead of the name of a restaurant.

And yeah, I get it. Hooters! Boobs! Sex? Objectification!?!? This might be a valid argument for a Catholic school teacher to make but it’s far less compelling coming from a suburban Orlando public school that likely has several alumni currently in the employ of the “breastaurant.”

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And here’s the thing, Hooters is actually a great restaurant, as far as chains go. Their wings are delicious. It is, in fact, a wonderful spot to watch sports. And their waitresses are dressed skimpily… kind of? For the ’80s, definitely. But considering most of the kids at Sunset Park Elementary are carrying around devices that can access literally trillions of pictures of naked women in all manner of undress, not so much for 2020.

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Get over yourselves.

Watch: Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd’s Two Wild and Crazy Guys Were Groundbreaking SNL Characters

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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